Forgiveness

Peter came to Jesus and said to Him: “My Lord, if my brother is at fault with me, how many times should I forgive him? Up to seven times?” And Jesus said to him: “I do not say to you up to seven times, but to seventy times seven”

- Matthew 18: 21-23

Why is that we humans find it so difficult to forgive? Often times you hear people proudly saying “I forgive… but… I never forget!”.

Of course, unless you are senile or have a mental handicap, you cannot forget what happens to you, but you can let go and not dwell on the negativity of resentment, judgment or vengeance.

Forgiveness does not mean to condone wrong doings and inappropriate behavior. To forgive is to let go, cut the string, drop your rock – as no one can ever change the past and neither can our actions change anyone else. We can only change ourselves.

Of course we all have experienced some of the hurts that others have inflicted upon us. However, the reality is that each and every one of us will, sooner or later, make mistakes and say words that will hurt others. No one is perfect and it’s not always easy to be human!!

When someone offends you, hurts or abuses you do not accept nor condone such behavior. Forgiveness does not mean allowing people to repeatedly do wrongs against you.

Oh…no, not at all!

The slogan “Turn the other cheek” does not necessarily mean to get slapped on the face over and over again. Turn the other cheek literally means for you to walk away from the negative situation and to move forward in the right direction – into the path of forgiveness.

Ultimately, forgiveness is the only path to freedom for your mind and soul. It’s the path to peace.

“What is a good man …but a bad man’s teacher?  What is a bad man…..but a good man’s job?”  (Tao Te Ching)

Is forgiveness the quality of a good man…of a good teacher?

It is not a privilege to select the right congregation in our life, but rather it is our spiritual responsibility, our spiritual duty to choose whom and what we are willing to allow to “reside” in our lives.

Often time’s people hurt us not because they are evil, but rather because they don’t live up to our set expectations. They choose to walk to their own path, make their own individual choices based on their own wants and desires. Often we may not approve of their decisions and become hurt and offended. But it is their God’s given right to choose for their own selves.

If they make the right decisions they will benefit, if they make the wrong decisions they will have no one to blame and hopefully they will learn from their mistakes.
I honestly believe that there is goodness in everyone, but none of us has yet reached perfection, so we are all vulnerable. However we do not have to allow anything to enter and remain in our lives that doesn’t bring us joy, fulfillment and above all peace.

Eventually each of us will unintentionally hurt someone as we live our lives our own way. We are after all humans and still far from perfection!

Lack of forgiveness comes from self righteousness, judgment, condemnation and resentment toward those who do not live up to our own set standards and expectations.

I am very aware of the fact that there are many seriously mentally ill people, sick enough to kill, to rape, to steal and those must be put away because they need to be removed from society.

But even those must be forgiven. Should we allow crime? Oh…no!!! That’s not forgiveness; it would only be another crime. Physically ill, mentally damaged people and criminals need to be kept in hospitals or other institutions, including prisons. But, as difficult as it may be, it is essential to find a path of forgiveness for those poor lost souls through a greater understanding. “Forgive them father as they know not what they are doing”.

But most of us are not victims of crime, rather we choose to be a victim as we allow some people or circumstances to continually hurt and abuse us.

Let go!!!

Seek to let go of anything that is unpleasant or that upsets and hurts you. That’s truly how the process of forgiveness works…first letting go and then moving forward.

Unfortunately too many of us humans have a hard time in letting go of the negative thoughts and emotions because, in a negative and self destructive ways, we choose to remain attached to the past.

As long as we don’t let go we don’t forgive and neither can we move forward. Stagnation can only bring deterioration.

The lack of forgiveness only hurts us, it is a poison to our minds and spirits, and yet forgiveness is a healing balm to our bodies, minds and souls.

There are many people who tightly and dearly hold unto their victim mentality as they constantly blame others, or the world, or the system and, at times, even God Himself for not giving them what they want or feel they deserve. You’ll hear many reasons and rationale for their attitudes and the “because” behavior.
“There is no justice in this world. I have been hurt because my father was abusive, because my wife left me, because I hate my job and don’t make enough money, because I didn’t have a chance to get an education, because my family was poor, my brother is an alcoholic…and on…and on…and on…”

It is a vicious cycle and a “no end” road for so many. I do believe that these people enjoy every moment of misery in their lives and they rather be the victims instead of moving on and creating a better life for themselves and for those around them. I know this because I have worked with many individuals in my life that constantly perpetuate misery instead of putting efforts in finding joy and peace. They just cannot forgive – period. They will not let go! As long as you resent, judge and condemn you are not forgiving…thus…you are not free!!!

Have you ever noticed how some people , the perpetual victims, resent and  are not capable to forgve others for being better looking, more successful, for having more money, a bigger home, a better car, more talented children…etc.?   These are truly the poor people in spirit.

The tragedy of this attitude is they cannot understand that, as long as they are incapable of rejoicing for other people success and happiness, they cannot attract for themselves that which they envy and resent in others. They just cannot forgive the fact that those people who are doing well are the kind of people that work hard and hold a positive, constructive and faithful attitude. The victims can have the same things by walking-the-walk and doing the work necessary, but they rather hate and complain than correcting their own attitude, way of thinking and feeling process and are totally unable and unwilling to forgive themselves, others and life itself.

Forgiveness means to “Give- Forth”…. move on…. let go… walk away from those that are not of “like mind” and of “like principles”. Don’t hate, judge or condemn others. Just do your best to let go of any negativity in your life…walk…move forth…drop your rock… stop feeling sorry for yourself and forgive.

Above all you must forgive your own shortcomings, your own mistakes, your own human frailty and never live in guilt…..never!! Guilt is not of God as  only love and forgiveness are spiritual gifts.

Don’t ever beat  yourself on the chest  with the latin weapon of guilt  ”mea culpa….. mea maxima culpa……”   like some religious institutions teach you to do.   To sin means to miss the mark, so…. just move on and…. sin no more!

If you are focusing on  living your life in peace and love you will not find it hard at all to forgive yourself and others. But if you choose to live your life in regret, judgment and condemnation it is your choice and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Whatever you sow, so shall ye also reap.

So decide how you want your life to be! You are the creator of your own destiny. Choose then the right path, move on while ackowledging  the presence of God within you…. forgive  your self  along with  those that trespass against you!

“To err is human…….to forgive is divine”

Namaste’

Dioro